Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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