hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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