dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
