so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
