We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
