No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
