he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
