I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
