very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
