literally had 100 drinks last night.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
