Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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