so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
