Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
