I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
smell my finger.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
