My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
