It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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