Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
