he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
