when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
