Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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