Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
