whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish i was in the wii world.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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