i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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