She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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