Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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