I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
