I feel like abortions should bother me more
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
