so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
