He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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