I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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