so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
