You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
one might say we're banned from that church
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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