The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
