I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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