we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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