I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
