That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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