I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
third nipple confirmed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
