what day is it and did you see me today?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
