If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
