At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
