who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
