You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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