So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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