Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
