UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
