You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
