I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
vagina is talking i cant
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
