Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
