now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
