I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
