There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
