I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
