I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
