So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
