I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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